OMG NEW ZELDAZ!!1!!

OMG YES A NEW ZELDA!!!!!!!!!! Yes it is another DS version but hell Phantom Hourglass was great to a point (I hate that fucking dungeon) and it's bin a year and a bit since my last Zelda experience, so I say bring it the fuck on!!! Although "Spirit Tracks"? Worst subtitle ever (no offense Nintendo, but really?)

OMG TRAILERZ!!!


P.S. Check link in twitter, that film looks AMAZING

BBC is doing some good stuff!!!!

Woo, I've just read that starting March 30th BBC2 is going to start airing ...*drumroll*..... THE WIRE!!!!! Yes you read that right!!!! The Wire is showing again on FX on Monday nights but BBC2 reaches so many more people and it's free which means that honestly you have no excuse to watch it. Plus the fact that its on during the Easter holidays means that people don't need to go to school the next day (plus who revises at night). This absolutely fantastic news and I'm going to be doing my best to force as many people as I can to watch. (NB if you do get convinced don't give up after one episode, give it at least the first six and you'll be hooked).

Secondly BBC4 is going start airing Newswipe on March 25th at 10:30, so now we get Charlie Brooker's sardonic wit to talk to us about the news as well as television, that is just made of WIN!!!! Also Charlie is a fan of the Wire so there's a link between those two. Oh and You've Been Watching a panel show also hosted by Brooker starts on Channel 4 very soon another awesome announcement.

Finally something I'm not 100% sure about. Who remembers last years Doctor Who finale? Yeah it was awful partly because of its bloated nature and Russel T. Davies uncanny ability to piss all over a good thing. Well guess what. He's having another go!!! Yes Martha is back (because Freema just loves doing anything attached to the Doctor Who name) as are Rose (HOW!?!?!) and Donna (AGAIN HOW?!?!?!). This is the regeneration story which will be airing sometime next year or possibly New Years as we have the first special in a few weeks followed by the next one at Christmas. Unless they're going to hold back this final two part special until next Spring, they're going to air it over New Year's Eve and New Year's Day.

Whilst the return of Rose and Donna is going to take a lot of explaining, one thing which many people will be happy to hear is that John Simm's Master will be back in these episodes. Something I'm sure IasG14 will be very happy to hear. I hope that Davies can give us a good explanation as to why Rose can be back in the Doctor's dimension and why Donna's head won't explode but I'm not going to keep my hopes up. In slightly more hopeful news, during Steven Moffat's tenure the TARDIS will be redesigned and Cassie from Skins may become the new companion. Here's to the future of Who.

First Impressions - Party Down

This is a first. You want to catch the first episode of Party Down you can watch it above, it might be censored but most of the jokes come through just the same (although the silences that happen every so often can be annoying).

The show isn't hilarious, but this the first episode and it is definitely funny. There are a few moments which warrant chuckles (mostly coming from the sarcastic characters). To be honest I'm just happy that so many Veronica Mars alums are in the show, Ryan Hansen is still playing the absolute douche that he always plays and it's quite a lot of fun to imagine that this is what happens to Dick after Veronica Mars (yes I know I really need that movie).

This is really just a stop gap for Rob Thomas before he can get the cast back together for the movie, and I'll take it. With everyone saying that the show gets better with later episodes and since the first episode definitely has some moments that show promise, I'm going to watch it. Also if they can get Enrico Colantoni naked (and flapping) in the first episode whats to say they can't get Kristin Bell naked in the last episode (Dear Lord please let that happen).

First Impressions - Kings

Kings is a new show from one of the ex-Heroes writers. Luckily he left just as the boat started to sink (like Bryan Fuller did and he made Pushing Daisies). So this show is a modern retelling of the story of David and this first episode is a retelling of the story of David vs. Goliath.

Over two hours we get introduced to this world that is essentially modern America but with a King and they're in the middle of a war. This pilot episode essentially introduces to everyone, in this story Goliath is a tank and David is armed with a rocket launcher (yeah I know bit more powerful than a slingshot). So we get introduced to the politics of the country, such as King Silas played amazingly by Ian McShane. Ian McShane is one of those amazing you can watch in anything and whilst the performance is as outstanding as Al Swearengen in Deadwood, it is still strong by all other standards.

The pilot is probably the best pilot I've seen since Pushing Daisies which is saying something. Whilst I'm not sure it'll reach the standard of Lost or Pushing Daisies, based on the pilot I'm going to give it a shot. It definitely starts out incredibly strong. Whilst some might call it pretentious, it's definitely an intriguing tale and possibly the only downside is whether they'll have to stretch out the main points of the biblical story to keep the show on the air (although I do have a feeling that the show won't make it past episode 13).

Yes some of the characters are different from the biblical story (the gay character is evil instead of being a help to David), but honestly there are far worse ways to spend your time and this show looks to have all the buildings of an amazing show.



BTW POST 100!!!! WOOOOOOOO

Of Lesbian Vampire Killers

First off a quick update. On your left is my Twitter feed which I'll update with quick little things every so often (such as "wow Lost was amazing this week" or "off to see such and such a film, review tomorrow"). So now you have more than one reason to check back for my sporadic posting. Secondly I'll two have posts up today, First Impressions of Kings and Party Down which will take me past post 100 so I'll have belated 100th post on April 1st.

Now review time. This movie is shit, monumentally so. However I couldn't help enjoying myself. I think this movie reaches that "so bad its good" realm of films. Like "Crank" and "Shoot 'em Up" but a horror movie. They're all movies which you know are really bad but they reach that realm just after shit and just before so shit they're shit that you like them. Now I'm not saying this movie even competes with films such as "The Wrestler" and "Slumdog Millionaire", but still I would recommend this movie if you just want to see some shit actors prance around the woods and swear with some lesbians thrown in for good measure.

This is one of those movies you don't have to describe the plot for, like Snakes on a Plane, the title sums up the entire movie. So briefly Jimmy (Matthew Horne) and Fletch (James Corden) go hiking after Jimmy breaks up with his girlfriend. They meet up with some Swedish/Dutch girls (couldn't quite place the accent, although they were played by Brits which is even more confusing) and then get attacked by Lesbian Vampires. Three get turned, there's an ancient prophecy and a priest and then the day is saved by a sword shaped dildo. That's it. If you were looking for a better horror movie check out "Let the Right One In" or "Drag Me to Hell" because they actually offer legitimate scares.

Alright, the movie is shit for many reasons. Almost all of the actors are awful. The female actors couldn't act to save their lives. Yes they're hot, but you can tell that that is why they are hired (although I have a sneaking suspicion that they were told to act as woodenly as they did). The sets are really obviously sets and the special effects are quite bad. However there is no denying a sort of charm. Behind all the hyper editing and crapiness I just felt that they now that what they are making is awful and don't care at all. It's not the same level as "Epic Movie" which is an insult to film making, it's more that they just wanted a good old fashioned campy horror movie with lesbians and not take it seriously, which they have. I think this is going to turn into one of those guilty pleasure movies, the sort of thing that will never be a favourite but on a drunk night in you'll break out for you and your mates to oggle at for an hour and a half.

Now really the movie only has one positive, the fact that all the jokes are driven into the ground is a bit of a shame. The sword of Dialdo would have given me a chuckle if I hadn't read about it first, although I may have just been caught up with the audience. The most horrendous joke that is driven into the ground is Paul McGann's (Ex-Doctor Who!!!) swearing vicar, up until the scene where James Corden confronts him its funny, after that it just feels tired and broken. That also brings me onto the only really positive thing about the movie, James Corden. I don't think laughed at all unless he was on screen. So basically I think he carried the entire movie. For about 4/5 of the movie he is the only funny character and then the movie takes a semi-serious tone (still being shit) and he doesn't get as many laughs. But stuff like the condom water balloons and the fact that he doesn't get with anyone in the whole movie had me chuckling fairly regularly (in no way am I saying it was hilarious).

Overall, the movie is god-awful. But its a good kind of god-awful. Something you might want to check out because it is so bad. Like most horror-movie sequels, the movie is just bad but honestly I think this one knows its shit. It has two reasonably big comedy actors leading it and whilst the performances on the most part are shit, it's still enjoyable even if you know its really bad. But honestly I didn't care, I came out with a grin on my face because I did have a good time out with friends. When a movie can take the piss out of itself like this one does it has to be given some slack (but honestly not much) 4/10

Of Watchmen

I really, really wanted to love this movie. In the end however I just didn't. I am sat here after having got out of the theatre like 40 minutes to go and I can't help but feel immensely disappointed that this film that I've been psyched for, for almost two years, just fails to live up to all the hype I and many friends have given it. However out of the ten or so friends who have seen it I'm the only one who didn't see it as being "unbelievably awesome" and the only answer I can give is that I am the only person who read the Graphic Novel. Three times in fact. Now a few friends have skim read it, seen the pictures and have had a better experience than I did, but I've read it cover to cover and whilst I had some fun in the film, it just didn't compare to the experience that I had with the novel.

Before I start the review proper I want to say I'm not being one of those purists who thinks that the book is always better, because honestly I'm not. Lord of the Rings is about as good as the books if not slightly better in some respects. No Country for Old Men is a better film than novel and there many others where I don't think the original is necessarily the best. However Watchmen is not one of them. Watchmen is probably the most highly acclaimed graphic novel of all time along with Sandman, and it should be. The story is amazing and characters like Rorschach have gone down as some of the greatest characters of all time (deservedly so). In fact Watchmen would safely rank in my favourite books of all time, sadly the film doesn't

Alright I'm going to start off with the parts I enjoyed. For starters, Rorschach is great, perhaps not as great as the book version, but still he is almost perfect. The character makes the transfer almost perfectly. As does Dr. Manhattan who is played brilliantly by Billy Crudup. He really manages to get the soullessness of the character and his voice is a brilliant monotone throughout. Also note to all those people who complained about the penis, get a fucking grip. Yes it's a penis, grow up its on screen for all of a minute and doesn't detract from the film at all, it's not a valid complaint, only for people too immature for their own good or who are uncomfortable with their sexuality. In fact that him being naked is a perfect example of his disconnected nature from the human race, the only time he ever wears clothes is when others dictate that he should.

The film is also shot wonderfully. Zack Snyder is a very visual director and it helps in the realm of comics. It's fun to spot shots in the film that mirror those from the graphic novel, however that also makes it more painful when scenes are moved or changed. I know that it's impossible to have a direct copy of the book, the fact that scenes have moved, in my opinion takes away from some of Alan Moore's brilliant story telling in the first place. He put things in a certain order and here in some cases it is completely shit on. But still the film is gorgeous to look at, even if it does tend to rely on slow motion a bit too much.

Now complaints. For starters the music, some of it is the most obvious song possible. Sound of Silence at a funeral? Please, be original!!! Then there is the god awful use of Hallelujah in a sex scene, interposing the word "hallelujah" with Silk Spectre having an orgasm. Turing a strong scene into a comedy moment that is almost bad enough to be in a teen movie. Then there is the use of My Chemical Romance's "Desolation Row" over the end credits. Yes it's in the graphic novel but it just feels out of place to end the movie. If you want to look at how to do credit music please go watch "The Fountain" or "Slumdog Millionaire", they both use music that sums up the movie wonderfully and just add to the emotion of the movie. Not a bad cover of song just because the original was mentioned in the graphic novel, (no offense aimed at MCR, love Black Parade).

Speaking of Silk Spectre, she was shit. She was probably the most wooden actor in the entire film. Possible of all time, if you discount Hayden Christensen. The film seems to have a problem finding actors. Two of the main six were awful (Silk Spectre and Ozymandias), two were solid (The Comedian and Nite Owl) and two were amazing (Rorschach and Dr. Manhattan) . It's a shame because Silk Spectre is the only strong female character and they give it to such a shit actress. She was literally painful at points and fumbled so many lines by the end I just wanted her to fuck off. But she didn't and I knew that because I've read the sodding novel!!!! (no offense aimed at the brilliance of the novel).

Now the main crux of my disagreement with the film. It's leaves so little to the imagination. Part of the fun of the graphic novel is trying to piece together what is happening. But in the movie, everything is painted for us. Stuff that if the audience is intelligent enough will be able to figure out is given away with needless dialogue which explains everything. In the graphic novel it isn't said that The Comedian is Silk Spectre's father until 3/4 of the way into the story. Here it's slammed in our faces in the first thirty minutes and then when we're told in the book, it's backed up by a line of dialogue that isn't needed for anyone with a brain cell.

The movie just isn't deep enough. There's so much symbolism in the book that it would be impossible to put it all to film, and there's good load of it here. What doesn't help is that what we're left with is forced down our throats rather than being open ended and making the audience fell intelligent. My friends said that it had to do that to appeal to a mass audience and yes it does, but Dark Knight did that last year and did so beautifully and didn't compromise at all, making the audience work to find intricacies within. Hopefully the movie will convince more people to buy the graphic novel and they'll hopefully come away feeling more rewarded for doing so, however I have feeling some people won't for one reason....

...the Giant Squid. I'm sort of glad that the squid has gone. It really wouldn't have made sense in the cinema and would have turned off some people. I mean a giant squid and the ending they came up with is more than passable if a little holey (would the Russians really come to peace when the AMERICAN weapon goes rogue?) It is better than a giant alien squid causing the death of everyone in New York. But for me it wasn't that, that was the problem. The problem was that visually that ending wasn't as good as the graphic novel. In the novel the twelfth chapter begins in the wreckage of New York with dead bodies hanging out of the windows, covered in blood with characters we've come to know littering the landscape (again missing in the movie but coming back in the extending DVD version). In the movie we get a stereotypical nuclear environment which isn't anywhere near as good.

Overall, I would say that this is as close as we're ever as likely to come to a Watchmen movie. Zack Snyder has done his best and you can tell that passion was definitely put into it. What doesn't help is that the movie feels really shallow and is marred by some bad acting. Yes it's a fun movie, the fights are well done and it's decidedly gory. But that's not what Watchmen is about, its the psychological profiles of these "superheroes". Yes it is probably a really good superhero movie, but the source material is so much better. It isn't just one of the best graphic novels ever, but the best novels period. The film is a gallant attempt to film it and I'm glad we got an almost perfect screen version of Rorschach and Dr. Manhattan but sadly it just proves that it really is unfilmable. I'm just glad we got a good version rather than an awful one. 6.5/10

Comic Relief

Comic Relief was yesterday (and partly today). So I stayed up and decided to watch it all (I've never actually succeeded at it before so I'm quite pleased with myself).

Good news? It wasn't unbelievably painful. There were more than enough decent moments to make up for some shitty parts (congratulations British Public for having Flo Rida being the number one song this week *groan*). Yes this year we were missing stuff like a Top Gear clip, but those guys are probably off filming in some far off country for the new season so I'm fine with that, so I'm going to go through and say some thoughts on the different sketches:

First off the music was fine (except for Flo Rida), yes Take That aren't the best band ever but for an evening where we're trying to get money from the Great British public they're absolutely fine. They're a big name and at least they've written some passable songs. Just be glad it wasn't all rap. Acts like Elbow also set a tone that was quite right for the evening and I'm glad that they're getting exposure now.

Harry Hill's TV Burp = Bored of his shtick a few years ago. Yes we get it FIGHT. Fuck off
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps, Grownups and Coming of Age = I missed it so no comment
The Royale Family = Never got into it, not bothered
Outnumbered = One of the highlights. The three kids are probably three of the best improvisers on television and they're charm definitely showed during this.
Sarah Jane Adventures = K-9 always means awesomeness, even if the Slitheen are rubbish
Mastermind = David Tennant knows his Who knowledge and showed up Davina (thank fuck), Davina did bring this down a bit.
Dragon's Den = The Dragon's Den bit was probably the best sketch from Harry and Paul's show, unluckily three times in row over 9 hours killed it. Especially since it ended on the same joke twice.
Mamma Mia! = French and Saunders are probably the best female comedians in Britain and showed us again with a perfect spoof of Mamma Mia! (and a little self referential humour at the end).
Little Britain = Little Britain was once hilarious and I did get a few chuckles (Matt Lucas in the closet and Robbie Williams saying Satan), however it just doesn't work anymore.
The Office = Good if only to watch Ricky Gervais act like a stereotypical jackass celeb (shame they nicked the segway from Arrested Development)
James Cordon Vs. England = Almost perfect, I don't even like football and I still found this awesome.
Pub Quiz = Hehe Duran Duran jokes a funny
Mitchell and Webb vs. Armstrong and Miller = Two of the best sketch shows in the country go head to head in another exceedingly funny sketch (Geoffry Palmer speaking like a posh chav was hysterical)
Katy Brand = Tuned out, came back when mentioned music then realised and chuckled a bit at the sheer grossness of some of the characters.
You Can Keep Your Hat On = There was penis. That is all
Catherine Tate = I believe first swearing of the evening but Catherine Tate, like Little Britain is a bit tired now. Retire from it now please
Friday Night Comic Relief News = went to the loo
Stand-Up Comedy = meh
Cowboys Go Naked = what?
Making of Amarillo = Ronnie Corbett falling over is always funny.
Final Push = Apart from the sketches they repeated from the rest of the night, there was some really good stuff from people like Will Ferrell, Flight of the Conchords, Horne and Corden, some Australian comedians (both really funny) and finally Matthew Horne and James Corden getting married was worth the entire evening.

Overall it was pretty good. I didn't enjoy the stuff I knew I wouldn't, but I was definitely laughing for a good portion of the evening. Plus its a good cause which I donate £50 to (I said I'd do that if I cried which I did, fucking pansy). For a period of time where we're going through a dry spell in terms of comedy I think we did really well, plus it gives a good feeling as we're the only country that still does this sort of thing. My only complaint was that they ran out of videos half way through the night, whilst definitely being good they need to space it out and make the evening about two hours shorter. Not a complete waste of a night I laughed, I cried and I can safely say it was un-terrible. Perhaps even good. Not awesome, that is reserved for Barney Stinson.

First Impressions - Castle

Castle is a procedural. Yup I've been taken in. Whilst the Mentalist is apparently quite good and I've watched the first episode, I didn't continue. Okay I will say I love serial dramas. In fact most shows that I watch which are procedural have elements which make it necessary to watch other episodes (Veronica Mars and Pushing Daisies). Castle is the first time I've gone for a completely serialised show like CSI. And it's purely because of Nathan Fillion.

Nathan Fillion was the lead actor in Firefly and was great in that. He was a bit lick Han Solo but for the 21st Century. Ever since then he's been showing his great charm off in Lost, Desperate Housewives and Dr. Horrible. Now his own show and its honestly the only reason I'm watching.

The show is about a best selling murder novelist getting roped in by the police to help solve a copy cat murder of his books and then staying around because there is romantic tension between him and the leader female police officer. The concept might be oh so cliche (down to the hidden past of the female police officer, alcoholic grandmother and serious 15 year old child), but Nathan Fillion saves it.

Fillion is so, so, so great in the lead role that I want to keep watching despite the mehness of the rest of the show. The murders aren't interesting and the other characters, whilst not bad, are just not interesting. Fillion elevates to another level with his great charm and some genuinely quite funny moments.

I'm going to give Castle its 10 episodes purely because I miss Fillion a lot, but if the show doesn't elevate above cliche stories which have been found in other tv shows, I won't tune in after (that is if the show gets picked up for a second season).

First Impressions - Breaking Bad Season 2

Right Breaking Bad is back. Yayness. I really, really enjoyed the first season of this show and it's quite upsetting that the writers strike shortened it by two episodes. However that means that Season 2 Episode 1 is more or less Season 1 episode 8.

So if you haven't watched the first season, whats happening so far might not make any sense. There's some guy beating the shit out of another guy, blue crystal meth and the dad from Malcolm in the Middle is bald for some reason. If you have been watching the show, then you've probably been waiting about a year for this show to come back.

The story is continuing and is just as interesting as it was last year, and with the promise of a full 13 episodes with some really crazy stuff coming up soon then this promises to be another brilliant season of this show. The humour is incredibly dark and Bryan Cranston is literally in one of the best acting roles ever. Whilst its a bit like Dexter in that this one amazing performance takes away from the rest of the cast, that one performance is so amazing that you'll keep coming back for more.

In my eyes, Breaking Bad is one of the best shows on television. With the The Wire finished, Lost ending next year and most of other favourite shows not being nearlly up to the same standard, my hope for top quality television lies with Mad Men and Breaking Bad. Luckily my hope isn't unfounded and Breaking Bad's second season looks to be even better than it's depressingly shortened first.

March 2009

Bleh March. Ummm not much to say. Winter is officially more or less over so it's getting warmer again. However apparently there might be more snow so we the good old British weather might be getting back into its normal idea of having the wrong weather for certain points of the year.

The film reviews are essentially being left for an easier time (only ones I've got to do are the Darren Aronofsky ones but I've lent my DVDs to a friend for his coursework so they'll be delayed). If I do them I'll probably do about 10 in a single blog post. Short paragraphs with a score. I'll save long reviews for personal faves, new releases and shitty movies that need ripping into.

Heroes is more or less dead to me. I physically can't bring myself to watch the newest episode. The show has lost all meaning to me that I actually want to cry. What was a personal favourite is just appalling shite now. Some can say "stick with it" but after watching television gems like The Wire and Mad Men, Heroes is just shit. I can see almost no redeeming factors except for the fact that Bryan Fuller is coming back which is possibly the only reason I'll keep watching and even then it's unlikely he'll be able to save it in a single episode.

Stuff Coming Soon
I have no clue whatsoever, maybe my 100th post?

Currently Listening to: You! Me! Dancing! - Los Campesinos!
Currently Watching (TV): HouseSeason 4 finale (amazing television even if you don't watch the show)
Currently Watching (Movie): Being John Malkovich
Currently Reading: Strange Meeting - Susan Hill (this book makes me want to cry)