Sunday, 22 March 2009
Of Lesbian Vampire Killers
First off a quick update. On your left is my Twitter feed which I'll update with quick little things every so often (such as "wow Lost was amazing this week" or "off to see such and such a film, review tomorrow"). So now you have more than one reason to check back for my sporadic posting. Secondly I'll two have posts up today, First Impressions of Kings and Party Down which will take me past post 100 so I'll have belated 100th post on April 1st.
Now review time. This movie is shit, monumentally so. However I couldn't help enjoying myself. I think this movie reaches that "so bad its good" realm of films. Like "Crank" and "Shoot 'em Up" but a horror movie. They're all movies which you know are really bad but they reach that realm just after shit and just before so shit they're shit that you like them. Now I'm not saying this movie even competes with films such as "The Wrestler" and "Slumdog Millionaire", but still I would recommend this movie if you just want to see some shit actors prance around the woods and swear with some lesbians thrown in for good measure.
This is one of those movies you don't have to describe the plot for, like Snakes on a Plane, the title sums up the entire movie. So briefly Jimmy (Matthew Horne) and Fletch (James Corden) go hiking after Jimmy breaks up with his girlfriend. They meet up with some Swedish/Dutch girls (couldn't quite place the accent, although they were played by Brits which is even more confusing) and then get attacked by Lesbian Vampires. Three get turned, there's an ancient prophecy and a priest and then the day is saved by a sword shaped dildo. That's it. If you were looking for a better horror movie check out "Let the Right One In" or "Drag Me to Hell" because they actually offer legitimate scares.
Alright, the movie is shit for many reasons. Almost all of the actors are awful. The female actors couldn't act to save their lives. Yes they're hot, but you can tell that that is why they are hired (although I have a sneaking suspicion that they were told to act as woodenly as they did). The sets are really obviously sets and the special effects are quite bad. However there is no denying a sort of charm. Behind all the hyper editing and crapiness I just felt that they now that what they are making is awful and don't care at all. It's not the same level as "Epic Movie" which is an insult to film making, it's more that they just wanted a good old fashioned campy horror movie with lesbians and not take it seriously, which they have. I think this is going to turn into one of those guilty pleasure movies, the sort of thing that will never be a favourite but on a drunk night in you'll break out for you and your mates to oggle at for an hour and a half.
Now really the movie only has one positive, the fact that all the jokes are driven into the ground is a bit of a shame. The sword of Dialdo would have given me a chuckle if I hadn't read about it first, although I may have just been caught up with the audience. The most horrendous joke that is driven into the ground is Paul McGann's (Ex-Doctor Who!!!) swearing vicar, up until the scene where James Corden confronts him its funny, after that it just feels tired and broken. That also brings me onto the only really positive thing about the movie, James Corden. I don't think laughed at all unless he was on screen. So basically I think he carried the entire movie. For about 4/5 of the movie he is the only funny character and then the movie takes a semi-serious tone (still being shit) and he doesn't get as many laughs. But stuff like the condom water balloons and the fact that he doesn't get with anyone in the whole movie had me chuckling fairly regularly (in no way am I saying it was hilarious).
Overall, the movie is god-awful. But its a good kind of god-awful. Something you might want to check out because it is so bad. Like most horror-movie sequels, the movie is just bad but honestly I think this one knows its shit. It has two reasonably big comedy actors leading it and whilst the performances on the most part are shit, it's still enjoyable even if you know its really bad. But honestly I didn't care, I came out with a grin on my face because I did have a good time out with friends. When a movie can take the piss out of itself like this one does it has to be given some slack (but honestly not much) 4/10